On Heidi Montag

Dear Readers,
I apologize for my delay in updating my posts. A little something called my life came before the internet. I know this is mind blowing to some of you: that you can go a day without checking email and facebook. But, fret no more. I am here to give you my thoughts once again.

A few weeks ago I saw a magazine with a picture of a life size barbie on the cover, only to find out it was the remnants of Heidi Montag. The article said that she had ten plastic surgeries in one day. Ten! Let's recap the surgeries she had done:
1. Cheeks
2. Nose
3. Lips
4. Chin
5. Boobs
6. Boobs
7. Boobs
8. Boobs
9. Boobs
10. Boobs

Where is Heidi? I can't see her over the massive chest. While some men may like the new look, it is awful. Absolutely awful, Heidi! What the hell were you thinking? I used to feel bad for you being married to Spencer, but now I feel bad for him being married to you! Oh, your mom didn't like the look? I have news for you, dear: You took yourself from a pretty girl to an unrecognizable Play Boy bunny with boobs that are going to sag to the floor one day. Those. Things. Are Huge. Have fun with the upkeep.

You say you want to feel comfortable with yourself? Here's a trick: Gain some self-respect. Problem solved. I should be a freaking psychologist. I could have saved that girl a lot of money. Not that there is a brain to reason with in that overdone head of hers. Spencer could have saved a lot of money by just buying a blowup doll, since they would resemble each other... but I guess then no one would know who he was. Poor guy.